Friday, September 23, 2005
More About Mindful
Being aware and mindful, is a great start, but it’s not enough. The ‘no judgment’ part is especially difficult.
Suppose there’s a co-worker or a condition, such as, traffic that really torques you off. You’re aware that you can’t stand the person and you hate traffic. You’re mindful of that. So what? You still can’t stand the person and you hate traffic.
You know this. These are facts. So being mindful in these cases is not enough. You have to be mindful AND know what your options are. You have a vast array of options most of which revolve around how you think about the situation – your assumptions about it, values and your basic life position.
Before looking at being mindful of your options and creating options, consider life positions. There are 4 of these – I’m OK and you’re OK; I’m OK, you’re not OK; I’m not OK, you’re OK; and I’m not OK and you’re not OK. The first position is the one that will produce the most options, the last will not only not produce many options, it will tend to immobilize you. I’m OK, you’re OK is optimistic, life affirming. I’m not OK and you’re not OK - basically, nobody’s OK, is bleak and pessimistic and borders on mental illness. If nobody’s OK, why bother?
A similar life position is going for what’s best for all concerned, vs. avoiding difficulties, pain and failure. The going for life position produces many more useful options than the avoiding life position.
So, what’s your life position?
Suppose there’s a co-worker or a condition, such as, traffic that really torques you off. You’re aware that you can’t stand the person and you hate traffic. You’re mindful of that. So what? You still can’t stand the person and you hate traffic.
You know this. These are facts. So being mindful in these cases is not enough. You have to be mindful AND know what your options are. You have a vast array of options most of which revolve around how you think about the situation – your assumptions about it, values and your basic life position.
Before looking at being mindful of your options and creating options, consider life positions. There are 4 of these – I’m OK and you’re OK; I’m OK, you’re not OK; I’m not OK, you’re OK; and I’m not OK and you’re not OK. The first position is the one that will produce the most options, the last will not only not produce many options, it will tend to immobilize you. I’m OK, you’re OK is optimistic, life affirming. I’m not OK and you’re not OK - basically, nobody’s OK, is bleak and pessimistic and borders on mental illness. If nobody’s OK, why bother?
A similar life position is going for what’s best for all concerned, vs. avoiding difficulties, pain and failure. The going for life position produces many more useful options than the avoiding life position.
So, what’s your life position?
