Wisdom at Work

My wife and I are taking a full, two week vacation to Alaska. Yes! No posts 'till we return.

When I ask you to listen to me and you start giving advice, you have not done what I asked.
When I ask you to listen to me and you begin to tell me why I shouldn't feel that way, you are trampling on my feelings.
When I ask you to listen to me and you feel you have to do something to solve my problem, you have failed me, strange as that may seem.
Listen! All I asked was that you listen, not talk or do – just hear me.
Advice is cheap: 20 cents will get you both Dear Abby and Billy Graham in the same newspaper.
And I can "do" for myself. I am not helpless. Maybe discouraged and faltering, but not helpless.
When you do something for me that I can and need to do for myself, you contribute to my fear and inadequacy.
But, when you accept as a simple fact that I do feel what I feel, no matter how irrational, then I can quit trying to convince you and get about the business of understanding what's behind the irrational feeling.
And when that's clear, the answers are obvious, and I don't need advice.

I'm just back from a networking meeting and I feel great. That's unusual. Networking events are oftern forced and phoney. But that's a function of the consciousness I bring, not the event itself. Witness, this morning. I kept my resolution to arrive early, so I beat most of the traffic and arrived free of all the traffic negativity - I hate slow drivers - ready to share from the heart, from my authentic self. I expressed my sincere interest and curiosity in those I met as well as my views on the subjects we discussed. It was what they call in diplomatic circles a "frank exchange of views." No pretending, just an honest willingness to share. Of course, I was only able to do this with four or five of the hundred people there, but it was good, very satisfying. I felt heard and connected and I think those I was with felt the same. I had no agenda other than connecting and expressing; the folks I was with felt that and met me there. When the time is right, we WILL do business. But in the meantime, we feel good about who we are and how we spent our time this morning. So how's networking working for you? Would you feel better about yourself, others and do more business if you went in with the desire to connect, to serve rather than sell?

Some thoughts about the idea that - greatness is not in more, it is in less. Less of you as ego, more of you as an authentic being - an idea, I like but.... I get this intellectually and want this to be the way I live; but I'm having a hell of a time doing it! For example, I went to the grocery store this morning and brought one more peach, plum and can of soup than I needed, as if greatness could be found in a full pantry. Of course, in a way it can. Greatness is about abudance, and plenty of food is abundant. Yet, buying and having more than I need are more about scarcity and security; and those things are of the ego. So, tho I want to be great - less ego and more authentic, I keep trying to do it by having more, instead of being more of who I really am. And who is that? What does an authentic being do that I don't do? Does he buy less soup? Does he run out of soup? Does he keep 2, 3, or 4 cans in the pantry? Perhaps the sense of in-authenticity around buying extra soup and peaches, comes if there's a sense of lack around the purchases. Maybe if the purchases are celebratory they'd feel more authentic. Yet lack is as authentic as celebration. They're both part of the whole. So, wow, I guess I'm being authentic when I buy extra peaches and soup! What do you think - not just about my thoughts, but about the connections, if any, between greatness/ego/and authenticit?