Wisdom at Work

The award-winning play, “Rent,” suggests you can measure a life by cups of coffee and the traditional hours and minutes. There’s also measuring by accomplishments: relationship anniversaries, graduations, promotions. And by holidays, religious and family occasions. But what about measuring by personal growth, such as how you treat yourself. Are you more compassionate with yourself now, than you used to be? More forgiving? When you screw up, do you judge harshly, or do you simply observe, learn and move forward?

Are you keeping your word to yourself, about the good things? How do you measure-up there? When you promise yourself something special like a spa day, a sail, a walk in the park, or just curling up with a good book, do you honor and respect yourself enough to keep your promise? Have you noticed that when you nurture yourself, it’s much easier to nurture others?

Here’s an activity to help you use this kind of measure more effectively. Take out a quarter. Put it on a clean piece of paper and use it to trace a circle. That’s a Tuit. Write “Tuit” in the center of the circle. Guard it with your life as Tuits are hard to come by, especially the round ones. For years you’ve heard people say, “I’ll do it as soon as I get a Round Tuit.” Now, you have one. So now you can accomplish all those things you put aside until you got a Round Tuit.

Tomorrow, measure the life you lived today, now, by getting around to the really important things, your soul work, nurturing, forgiving and enjoying yourself and others. Measure by smiles, pleasure and joy. God bless, and use your round Tuit wisely! I adapted this from a speech by Neil Linden, Past Chair of the Coral Gables Chamber of Commerce.

Although Alex Wipperfurth’s book is oriented to large national and international companies, it contains much of value to smaller companies and solopreneurs. Ever since Tom Peters’ “Brand You” article appeared in Fast Company ten years ago, the importance of branding to solo professionals and small companies has been clear. And they’ve been struggling with it ever since. What Brand Hijack does for this group is reveal an approach to marketing and branding that’s accessible and scaled right for them. For instance: “offer up a vision people can identify with…market involvement…it’s about a better, richer, more sustainable product experience.” These are the things solopreneurs and small companies excel at – creating intimacy and relationships. Wipperfurth’s anti-traditional marketing approach and the data he offers to back it up, such as people’s distrust of mass media and our paradoxical desire for both belonging and anonymity, suggest ways for small companies and solopreneurs to build their brands. So, this is a very worthwhile read for these people, not because of the hijack part of Wipperfurth’s hypothesis, which is quite strong, but for the provocative ideas about what’s going on in our culture, what’s next in marketing and the suggestions and charts he offers to make the most of these trends.

Begin with the end in mind. Classic guidance. Have a vision, a sense of what it will look, feel, smell, taste and sound like when it’s as good as can be, as good as you can get it - so that you’re proud and satisfied. How detailed should this vision be? How specific? Will it be blue or green? Round or flat? Feel smooth or rough? Excited or calm? Smell of the sea or jasmine? Taste salty or sweet? Sound harmonious or off key? Violins or cellos, or both? At some point these details must be specified. But if done too soon, they can cramp, even kill, creativity and with it, the best possible outcome for all concerned.

This is where intention comes in. Intention sets the tone, the broad parameters for the specifics, and being as I’m writing this during hurricane season I’ll say – parameters = the cone of uncertainty, or the ballpark. Intention says, “the highest and best for all concerned, on schedule, in budget, compassionately, respectfully and creatively.”

Begin with the end in mind. Ask, “What do I want to come of this, what is my intention?” Do you mean it for the highest and best for all concerned? For some of those concerned? Who? Under what circumstances? If no intention is set first, if we begin without the end in mind, the situation just seems to happen, and makes no sense until is has already happened. Then you look back at it, and try to piece together what it must have meant. And you will be wrong. Not only is your judgment in the past, but you have no idea what should happen. No goal was set with which to bring the means into line.

The value of deciding in advance what you want to happen is simply that you will perceive the situation, any situation you find yourself in – so called ‘good’ or so called ‘bad’, as a means to further your intention. You will therefore make every effort to overlook what interferes with the accomplishment of your objective, and concentrate on everything that helps you meet it. This is the ultimate in ‘positive’ thinking. Try it!

The Ape in the Corner Office – Understanding the Workplace Beast in All of Us
by Richard Conniff.

We’re a lot like chimpanzees, but not in the way you think. They’ve gotten a bum rap, and that’s news we can use. They’ve been accused of being aggressive and violent. That’s true but it’s not the whole truth. What the new research shows is that they fight, but only 5% of the time, then go out of their way to make up! They also spend 20% of their time in ‘social’ activities – grooming and being groomed, picking nits and stroking.


So, what does this mean to us? Apparently, Coniff tells us, Nature built us to be nice. The ‘Nature, red in tooth and claw’ idea may not be an accurate view of animal life. No longer can we use the alleged vicious and aggressive behavior of our primate forebears to justify our own vicious aggressive behaviors. But, and here’s the good news, we can use their amazing social skills as a justification for refining our own.

It’s not that chimps shun conflict, violence and aggression, they don’t, they can’t, just as we can’t. But they accept and use it much more effectively than we do. Most of us treat human nature as something to be overcome. Most managers seek to minimize the human, much less the animal element and make companies hum like machines. This wastes huge amounts of time and energy. How chimps make peace, keep peace and maintain stability by accepting and using all aspects of their nature is what we want to learn about.

And Coniff makes the learning easy and enjoyable, with amazing business stories and examples coupled with striking parallels from primate research. He offers many opportunities to think about familiar ideas and behaviors in unfamiliar creative ways. Not only can this book help bring us more in line with our essential natures, it can also help build better, more effective organizations. The writing is direct, swift and refreshing. The aha’s and insights almost jump from the pages. Well worth reading.

Now, being OK doesn’t mean being perfect. OK is not perfect. Perfect is not OK. Again, perfect is not OK. Perfect is impossible. Oh, I can hear the yeowls and screams! How can you not strive for perfection? Easily. As a goal, perfection is an I’m not OK and you’re not OK life position – a lose/lose. Doing one’s level best in most situations, is a humane goal. Anything else, anything like perfection, is unattainable, guaranteed to stress you, and everyone around you, out. Ever worked for a perfectionist? Perfection as a standard or criteria accounts for a great deal of misery. And, if we’re so busy being perfect, what about risk, creativity and innovation?

Mistakes are OK. We can’t know everything, so mistakes are inevitable. It’s what we do about them, that counts. Do we hide them, deny them or blame others as some of our foremost current political ‘leaders’ do? Or do we exercise our response-ability? Airplanes are off course 90% of the time. They reach their destinations by a series of thousands of minute course corrections. In fact, one definition of intelligence is detecting and correcting gaps between anticipated and actual conditions. Stupidity is hiding, denying, blaming and going down with the ship.

Why do so many important high level, but ineffective ‘leaders’ fear their mistakes? Why, instead of fixing them, do they rush to judgment? Is winning the “blame game” a reasonable substitute for results, for doing OK? NO! Perfectionism deludes us about what’s possible, and holds us to ridiculous standards that must fail.

And the penalty for failure is punishment.

It’s clear, black and white, very simple, very basic – just the way people seem to like things these days. [Perhaps this is why so many are having such problems with the complexity of real life.] If we are judged failures, we must be condemned to punishment.

But, this attitude toward judgment, as with the belief in the clean and simple desirability of perfection over OKness, reveals a fundamental flaw in our understanding of judgment. Judgment is critical to effectiveness. Yet we are abjured to “judge not, lest ye be judged.” And in my earlier post, I said something similar, “be mindful without judgment.” So how do we judge without judgment?

By realizing that judgment is composed of two, distinct concepts: discernment and punishment. Discernment means observing and clearly seeing the gap between the anticipated and the actual, the goal and the current position. We must be able to do this, else how can we make a course correction? Punishment, on the other hand, condemnation, is almost totally useless, except in legal proceedings. And even there, many experts are questioning its usefulness in building a good life, community or business.

So, we want to discern, but not punish, when we judge. Being mindful, we see we have made a mistake and we fix it – immediately, as soon as we’re aware of it. But if punishment is included in judgment, and no one except a masochist wants to be punished, then we do not fix our inevitable mistakes, because we’re perfect and not guilty. Instead we hide, deny and blame to avoid punishment.

Being aware and mindful, is a great start, but it’s not enough. The ‘no judgment’ part is especially difficult.

Suppose there’s a co-worker or a condition, such as, traffic that really torques you off. You’re aware that you can’t stand the person and you hate traffic. You’re mindful of that. So what? You still can’t stand the person and you hate traffic.

You know this. These are facts. So being mindful in these cases is not enough. You have to be mindful AND know what your options are. You have a vast array of options most of which revolve around how you think about the situation – your assumptions about it, values and your basic life position.

Before looking at being mindful of your options and creating options, consider life positions. There are 4 of these – I’m OK and you’re OK; I’m OK, you’re not OK; I’m not OK, you’re OK; and I’m not OK and you’re not OK. The first position is the one that will produce the most options, the last will not only not produce many options, it will tend to immobilize you. I’m OK, you’re OK is optimistic, life affirming. I’m not OK and you’re not OK - basically, nobody’s OK, is bleak and pessimistic and borders on mental illness. If nobody’s OK, why bother?

A similar life position is going for what’s best for all concerned, vs. avoiding difficulties, pain and failure. The going for life position produces many more useful options than the avoiding life position.

So, what’s your life position?

Want things to be different? Change your thinking. Change your thinking, change your life. Self-talk, the things we’re constantly thinking and saying to ourselves, determine what we get in life. If you always think what you’ve always thought, you’ll always get what you always got. Ponder that. Read it again. Say it out loud. Always thinking about things in the same way and expecting different results is a good definition of insanity.

Being aware of what you’re thinking, your self-talk, gives you choice and creates an opening for things to be different. If you’re aware and you don’t like what you’re thinking or hearing, you can change it. Being aware of your thinking and self-talk is critical. That’s what mindfulness is all about.

Being mindful is being aware of your thinking and self-talk and realizing it’s only self-talk, not Reality or the Truth, just your usual, habitual way of perceiving and thinking about things, and you can change it. I’d like to reach from this page, shake you, hug you, look into your eyes and know that you’re getting this. These are the Keys to the Kingdom. Take them. Please.

You hold the power, no one else. You decide what something means, not the ‘media.’ Your thoughts guide what you do, not mine. No matter what anyone does, you alone are in control of your response, your thoughts and action. Response-ability belongs to you, alone. It doesn’t matter what happens outside you. Sure we’re all programmed, educated, have jobs to do, roles to play, with deep feelings and values. And tho you may have a hair trigger, you are not a gun, a machine for someone else to manipulate.

You have response-ability. Use it more wisely. Wake-up. Get off cruise control. Set an intention to be mindful, to pay attention to your thoughts and self-talk. Just being aware of what you’re thinking and saying to yourself, that and nothing else, will awaken choice and creativity and the possibility of being different. No judgment, no resolutions, just awareness.

This started out as a post on managing people one-on-one. Then I realized that the same techniques we use to manage others, can help us manage ourselves. That made me see that self-talk, the things we’re constantly saying to ourselves, is critical. Being aware of it, gives you choice. If you don’t like what you’re hearing or it’s not useful, you can change it. So being aware of self-talk is also critical. That’s what mindfulness is all about.

Being mindful is being aware of your self-talk and realizing it’s only self-talk, not Reality or the Truth, just your usual, habitual way of perceiving and thinking about things, and you can change it. Part of managing others really well is to help them be mindful, too. But, that discussion is for another post. Now, here are a set of Thomas Leonard’s Top Tens. As your read them, consider how you can use them to improve managing yourself and others.


Give the person a huge goal that will keep their attention. Ask them to develop the strategies or steps to achieve the goal.

Have daily or weekly reports or check-ins (daily at first).

Ask the person how willing they are to be effectively managed. Also inform them of your particular style and of your high standards.

Get the person focused on actions and outcomes, not just goal setting and reporting.

Install a system that warns you before the person stops performing.

Build in coaching to your conversations so that the person understands that you aren't just managing them to reach goals, but that you are helping them to become a more effective person.

Build your staff so that you can afford for them not to produce. You should be able to fire them if necessary, as this will free you up to manage well rather than be fearful or reactive.

Rather than expecting your staff to know everything, seek to provide answers, tools, and support before they need it.

Don't get too chummy with your staff. Be a manager who has a lot going on and make sure the staff knows that you're relying on them to do their best without coddling.

Develop a visual display of results, progress, and problems and post this for everyone to see. This keeps the facts public and is very motivational.

That means celebrate your talent and dreams. No matter what you have to go through to do it, put more ra-ra in your ya-ya. Because, who you are matters. What you do counts. Think of Life as a giant jigsaw puzzle and each of us born with a puzzle piece, our ya-ya, our passion. If you aren’t living your passion, putting ra-ra into your ya-ya, you’re not putting your piece on the table, and the puzzle will never be completed.

Putting more ra-ra in your ya-ya, what Joseph Campbell calls following your bliss, requires courage. Lot’s of it. Especially in the beginning. But once you’ve begun, it gets easier and easier. You’re in the Zone. Life flows so well and you become so attractive, you wonder why it took so long to get it.

Putting more ra-ra into your ya-ya is what we were born to do. Yet so much of life today is about fitting in, dressing right, being at the right places at the right times and not rocking the boat, that authenticity and passion seem out of place; even naïve and idealistic. It seems as if it’s all about chilly irony, not hot passion.

That’s where courage comes in. You were born to be the best you, you can be. Trying to be somebody else, who your family wanted you to be, for instance, dooms you to failure. You are a force of Nature, part of Evolution itself. If you don’t get in touch with your passion, find the courage to face your fears, and share your gift, you’re not only holding yourself back, you’re holding all of us back.

A colleague heard me say, “Put more ra-ra into your ya-ya!” at a meeting. She was fascinated and told me “ya-ya” meant hurt, cut or wound in Spanish. We talked and discovered a neat connection between wounding, courage and passion. It seems shamans, the priests, spiritual leaders and counsellors at the roots of nearly every culture, were called “wounded healers.”

A shaman’s initiation involved a wounding, a vision quest, a courageous journey into the wilderness inside and around them to discover their ya-ya, their vocation/passion, their puzzle piece, and bring it back to the tribe. The wounding enabled the shaman to assist members of the tribe to put more ra-ra into their ya-ya then assist the entire tribe to discover its passion and purpose.

When you find the courage, go through the inevitable wounding and celebrate your passion, you’re acting as a shaman. Your ability to go through the process empowers our ability. When you put more ra-ra into your ya-ya, it makes it easier for the rest of us to do that, too. We’re inspired, motivated and as Neil Armstrong said from the moon, that’s “one step for man, one giant step for mankind.” So put more ra-ra into your ya-ya!

Visit: WisdomAtWorkUSA.com

Take One: Two engineering students were crossing the campus when one asked, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want." The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

Take Two: To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Take Three: What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers? Mechanical Engineers build weapons and Civil Engineers build targets.

Take Four: The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?" The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?" The graduate with an Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

Take Five: Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints." Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections." The last one said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"
Take Six: Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet."

Here is a reply to the post of yesterday. To me it is right on target and fully consistent with the work I do as a business and life coach with my clients. Thank you, Larry. I look forward to hearing and sharing readers' thoughts and ideas. Dialogue is one of the highest forms of communication.

"While I find the theme and premise of this article to be true, I don’t see a “real” solution. Yes, the writer says, “Invest in yourself – take a vacation.” I know that it is an example, but it is vague. Vague means that the words don’t really “point” anywhere useful or meaningful. I know people, including myself, that take and have taken vacations for many years, but still don’t “self care”. What is that about?

If vacations were the answer, we’d have lots of people that “self cared” all over the place. For me, where “self care” really happens is when I can see reality outside the mental imaginations of my own mind, come to reality, live with it, see my choices, do what is truly good for me and quit making it up. The reason that people work 60 to 70 hours a week is because they have a fantasy in their mind. They are chasing the future, the good life, keeping up with the Jones’ and other things. The truth is that in their minds they have a self image that is ok at work and not ok at home or elsewhere. The “me” that is home with wife and kids is “not comfortable”, whereas the “me” (in my head) that is at work is “worthwhile” and more important – POWEFUL!

I find that people who spend their life at work feel powerful at work. When they see themselves in their head, the mental “me”, the model they make of themselves inside is powerful, knowing and in control. At home, there is no control, there is no power – the wife runs over me, the kids I don’t understand and cannot connect with – the story goes on and on.

What I have found is simple freedom. Once I came out of the little “me” story in my head and left the power and control behind, I found that I could see my wife for who she really is. I found that I can talk to her, that she understands me, she listens to me, I hear her, I hear her feelings and what makes her happy and sad. There is so much to be said for reality, but when it is blocked out by “me” living in the made up world that I built for myself inside my own imagination, there was little good that came of it. I destroyed one marriage and nearly my second. I was angry and upset, mad, in a rage, anxious, afraid and fearful all the time. I felt very little towards myself that was good and was always putting myself down. I felt that I could not achieve and there was little chance of success. I depended on others for my happiness and my provision.

What I have now is complete freedom. It doesn’t mean that life is rosey. What it means is that life is comprehensible and manageable. What it means is that life now has real choices where I get to have choices of good things for myself and when I see clearly that I have these I do them. Not only this, I see this for others as well. I don’t cross boundaries for others. I see that they have choice. I call them to it, if they so ask me to. I don’t cross over when a choice is clearly meant for another. There are so many things that have changed in my life I cannot begin to express to you the depth and power of what “knowing” this “mental mechanism” means to me in REAL and tangible terms.

My wife sees a different man. She watches the miracle taking place and always says to me how it leaves her feeling very proud and happy. She knows that I love her for real now. Where I used to do nothing but yell, get upset and turn inward into pity-parties, pouting, self doubt and self destructiveness, I now turn outward into what is real and face it head on – even if it is personally hard and difficult. Life I see is just that way. The perils are real, but the rewards are just as personally real and attainable. It’s all wrapped up in my choices in the reality of NOW – not in the lie of my own mind and the made up places where I used to live.

I do hope that there is something of value for you in what I have written.


Sincerely,

Larry Rix"

If you were too busy to take some time this summer, when do you think you might be able to? Not sure, don’t think things are going to slow down any time soon? Great! But, how long can you carry on working this hard? A year, two? If you lived another 5 years at this level of intensity where will you be? Probably on a forced vacation in the hospital.

Being overscheduled isn’t what it’s cracked up to be. It’s not impressive; it’s sad. “If you can’t be a good example, you’ll just have to serve as a horrible warning,” Catherine Aird wrote. People are looking for leaders to emulate. Leaders, who enjoy life outside of work, spend time with their families and pursue leisure activities. The President managed to spend 5 weeks in Crawford.

It’s easy to over-identify and become what you do. Wayne Dyer said, “When you are what you do – then when you don’t, you aren’t.” You are so much more than what you do for a living. Knowing who you are outside of work is very freeing. The pressure to be perfect is diminished, the highs and lows are easier to manage and, perhaps most important of all, you discover synergies, connections and opportunities you missed being so busy.

Can’t go ‘cause you can’t say No? When you say Yes to every work request remember, you are saying No to something else. What are you saying No to? To your relationships, time with children, your health, your ability to live fully and joyfully? To a hobby or sport that is part of who you are? Have you given up on dancing, singing, skiing, painting … is there something else you are supposed to be doing?

Recharge and re-create yourself. Take a break and get a fresh perspective. Invest in yourself – take a vacation. You deserve it, it’s what you’re working for.

Our assumptions about the world, life and living determine our experience and quality of life.

Assumptions have a grain of Truth, sometimes a bit more, but they are never the whole Truth. They are a partial picture of Reality.

Your assumptions are complete and true enough for you. But they act as a filter for the whole of Reality - allowing in what supports them, and screening out what doesn’t.

Assumptions limit. They are the boundaries of our comfort zones.

To know our assumptions and choose to go beyond them, is to grow, have more options, achieve ever greater success, become more complete and real. It is to stop blaming, become responsible and start making things better.

We expand vast amounts of energy – emotional and physical, holding on to our assumptions, our tiny bits of Reality, while denying and fighting the rest of a vast Reality that may or may not support them.

This is exhausting and stressful. It feels like we’re running as fast as we can and getting nowhere. We feel like victims. We’re angry, aggressive and afraid.

We are mistaking assumptions about Reality, for Reality; mistaking ourselves for our assumptions, identifying too closely with our beliefs. You are not your assumptions, beliefs and thoughts.

You are more, much more. Assumptions, beliefs and thoughts are not real. We make them real by our allegiance to them.

Like styles in clothing, art and music, assumptions, beliefs and thoughts come and go. But you, and I remain.

“There is much more in heaven and earth than in your philosophy,” Shakespeare said.

Realize more of your potential, grow, complete yourself, know your assumptions and choose to go beyond them.

Remember, habit speaks first, the pull of the comfort zone is intense. That’s why mindfulness is so useful.

When you catch yourself struggling, denying, running fast and getting nowhere, victimized, angry and vindictive, perhaps your assumptions are using you, instead of you using them.

Pause, take a deep breath, reflect a moment.

Ask:
“What do I really, really want, here and now?
What’s the highest and best for all concerned?
Do I want to be right or happy?
How can I, right now, with passion, joy and gladness, make a contribution that will bring the highest and best for all concerned?
Is it possible I don’t know everything?
Is it possible I’m holding to my assumptions inappropriately, being arrogant, stubborn, fearful and self centered?”

Then, without guilt or condemnation, start fresh, right where you are right now. With passion, joy and gladness, do what you can to make a contribution from your heart and uniqueness that will bring the highest and best for all concerned

A scientist was conducting an experiment with frogs and how far they can jump. He placed a frog on a measuring grid and said "jump frog, jump!". The frog jumped 9 feet. Then the scientist surgically removed one of the frog's legs and again said "jump frog, jump!". This time, the frog jumped only 6 feet. The scientist continued to remove legs and measure the distance the frog could jump until, at last, the frog had no legs and, when the scientist said "jump frog, jump!", it did not jump at all. So, the scientist concluded that when you cut off the four legs of a frog, it turns deaf.

The "scientist" in the above story is alleged to have been with the White House Science Advisor's team.

I read the paper a couple of hours ago, and I’m still pissed.
The stories about the disaster on the Gulf Coast. About the pitiful Federal response. About the horse executive in charge of FEMA. About the systematic dismantling of FEMA. About the President praising the horse executive.

WOW! Results. These are the results of something. Some kind of attitude, thinking, value system has produced these results, and continues to produce similar results.

How much is enough? How about the President’s fly-by of New Orleans? Is that anything like sitting in the classroom for 7 minutes while the Twin Towers were attacked? Is there a pattern here? Here’s another possible pattern: the President says something like, “Good job, Brownie,” referring to the horse executive. And the President says, WMD, then no, we are spending our lives, suffering maiming wounds, and spending over a billion $ a day – all of which might have been more useful here during Katrina, or for other good uses, we’re doing all of this, for Iraqi freedom. Is there a pattern here? “Good work, Brownie,” and “die for Iraq”?

The pattern’s a little hard to discern at first, but if you think about it, take a deep breath and ask yourself, “what’s the constant in these two situations?” a pattern might emerge.
How much is enough? Winston Churchill said the people get the government they deserve.

Blaming the President and the people that serve and believe in him, is too easy. Each of us, even those that voted for the President and his party - who are more loyal to party and ideology than to the Nation, community and what we hold in common, each of us must search our own hearts. How much is enough? What are we to do, in this the greatest nation on earth? Are these ‘leaders’ Democrats included, who are little better and seemingly without backbone, are these the best we can do? How does the BS that passes for dialogue and discussion among the citizens of the world’s only superpower and greatest democracy work for us?

Search your heart. We can do better. We must do better.

It's been estimated that stress costs $300 billion a year. We can change that. Here are a few of the stress management ideas we’d be working with to help you and your colleagues improve your personal lives, team work, customer sales & service, and on-the-job performance.

There are two kinds of stress – eustress and distress.
Eustress is the kind of stress we like, such as, contests, sports, exciting trips, movies and experiences. Distress is the kind of stress we don’t like, such as, traffic jams, paper work, difficult people, hurricanes. Eustress keeps our lives interesting and worthwhile. Distress takes years off our lives and makes us miserable and ineffective.

Most people know the difference between these two forms of stress, they just don’t have a good way to describe and manage it. That’s what we’d focus on – teaching people how to find a balance between eustress and distress on the job and at home. Of course, one person’s eustress is often another person’s distress. Take sky diving or bungee jumping. That’s eustress for some, but distress for me! It’s a matter of personal preference, how each person perceives, interprets and labels their experience.

Given the importance of personal preferences and interpretations, the very best way to help people at work manage their stress and find a balance between eustress and distress is through a combination of group training and individual coaching. Look forward to talking with you about this.

All the gurus, including moi, tell their clients, and themselves, to, according to Marsha Sinetar, “do what you love, and the money will follow.” This idea has a great sense of power and truth. Joseph Campbell said, “follow your bliss.” Tom Peters talks about passion. The difficulties arise, and there are a few difficulties, when this becomes a should.

“Don’t should on yourself,” I tell my clients. I should be living my passion and following my bliss; and so should you. See what that does? It immediately takes something that’s supposed to be joyous, natural, flowing and unrehearsed and makes it into an obligation, a task, a goal, an objective. It’s like that famous joke about spontaneity 101 – taking a course to learn how to be spontaneous. Duh! Isn’t that a contradiction? It’s no wonder so many of us aren’t following our bliss. We’re confused. We don’t have enough time. We’ve got enough shoulds and projects now; who needs another one? Only a masochist, a self-help masochist, wants another, and clearly endless self-renewal project.

The key is in the love, bliss and passion. These are the non-project aspects of being alive. The thinking, analysis and project aspects of living have a place but first comes the love, bliss and passion. Catch yourself enjoying yourself. In between the constant tirades of your inner critic, the fault-finding, guilt, grief and anger, catch yourself at peace, having a good time. It might be re-arranging your desk, kitchen, workshop. Or daydreaming; or writing; or talking with others. The simple pleasures. It begins with these.